my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
