im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
