how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
being pregnant is like rehab
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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