wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
