Cold hands, warm shart.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
