as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
