The maid of honor just puked.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
