Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He better not be in your backpack
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
