I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
