Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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