Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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