Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
