You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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