Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize