He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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