My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize