All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize