i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
