Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
