So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Found the puke drawer
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
