I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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