just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
