epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
