I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
