It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
