It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
