A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
