I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
