I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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