Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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