how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
