Cold hands, warm shart.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
