I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
