so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
