You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
