I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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