I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
