i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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