These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
