idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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