Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
