Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
