I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
