Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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