it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
