I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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