Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
