so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
