Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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