like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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