My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
