I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
