OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
