yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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