Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
