I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
