Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
