What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
