i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize