im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I enjoy the company of your penis
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