Sry I called you an 8
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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