sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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