There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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