WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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