so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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