i was born a porn star she said
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
