i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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