i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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