I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Randomize
