Whatcha textin bout Willis?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
