I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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