I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
