Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
