Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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