we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize