I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
