God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
