I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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