I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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