Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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