is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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