i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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