Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
