Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
