The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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