I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
