You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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