the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
