Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
