Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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