her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
