He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize