why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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