Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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