Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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