The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
