I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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