ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
