marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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