Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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