Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
