My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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