dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
