i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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